Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
