I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize