im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
