Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
