the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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