So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
