Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
not ubering you a puppy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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