i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.