You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.