There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.