I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.