So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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