At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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