its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's great music for shaving your balls
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Randomize
