Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
