The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
