I should be sponsored by Trojan
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
