I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
