they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
