people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
