the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
