I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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