I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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