Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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