I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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