Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
