just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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