I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
