omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
