dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
