I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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