I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
