Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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