Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
