I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im having a threesome with these popsicles
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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