I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
