Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
