I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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