My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
