Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
