Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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