Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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