see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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