So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize