As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
