I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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