Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
