Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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