masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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