We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
