Princesses don't give blow jobs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
