her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
