bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
