absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
