When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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