just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
