Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
