even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
