Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
