this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
