Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
