Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
